A dog lover friend of mine is in hospital with a broken leg. She loves jokes, and is always emailing them to me, so now I decided it was my turn to dial up the humour, and what better than with some dog jokes from a great ready source – Reader’s Digest. She loved them.
So here they are: (these, by the way, are Elliott approved).
“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.”
“I know,” says the second owner.
“How do you know?” the first demands. “My dog told me.”
2. Q. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet!
3. Q: What do you call a dog that’s ready for spring break?
A: Pug boat
4. Q: What do you call a sad pup?
A: mellon collie
5. Q: What was the dog’s favourite type of homework to do?
A: A lab report
6. Q. What did the dog say to his doctor?
A. Be careful with the thermometer, last time it was a bit ruff. 7. Q: What do you call a dog magician?
A: A Labrabacadabrador
I’ve always collected dog quotes. These are some of my favourites, classics if you like. Many have stood the test of time, being just as relevant today. Maybe that says more about dogs than humans.
“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” President Harry S. Truman
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” Charles de Gaulle
“A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” Barack Obama
“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.” Orphan Pamuk, (author)
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” Phil Pastoret (author)
“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours. “Anon.
“Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell.” Emily Dickinson (American poet)
Note: Fact-checked by Elliott C. Cool, especially the one about dog biscuits.
FROM WAGGING THE DOG, Book 2 Mutt to Megastar series
‘It’s amazing, isn’t it? Being famous just for wearing a pirate hat and winking! Well, OK, I suppose it was an action role too. Rescuing Hedy, the slinky Afghan bitch, tied to the mast and all that.’ ELLIOT
‘Now that I’m a Star, I get recognised everywhere I go. It’s really cool. I’ve even got my paw-prints in the Hollywood Walk of Fame – well, in the TV commercial anyway!’ ELLIOTT
‘Could be trouble on the port bow for the pampered pirate pooch, eh?’ ELLIOTT
Author Elaine Bertolotti wrote this 5-Star Review:
Kit James has done a fantastic job of letting us into the world of canines. Elliott’s unique way of thinking and his striking good humor is a delight. Each dog he writes about has a particular charm and personality. I particularly like Charlie, the wise old dog who befriends our hero in the dog pound.
This book is such an enjoyable one that I read it all in two days!
I highly recommend this book and look forward to reading the sequel.
Cheers and 5 stars to the author who is an expert in writing such humorous canine dialogue. I loved it!!!
Celebrity dog Elliott C. Cool finds he?s up against a new challenge when his TV contract is suddenly dropped.
Is he going to be just a One-Hit Wonder? Will he be sent back to Barranyup Dog Pound now that his future is under threat?
It?s all Jamie?s fault. He?s the smartarse adman Alpha Male in Elliott?s human pack of Timeshare owners. And it?s all because Jamie?s over-confidence gets the better of him.
So now Elliott is no longer the star of the Biffo ChunkY-Yums TV commercial, and just when he was beginning to enjoy being a celebrity!
What?s a street smart, out-of-work, TV star dog going to do?
Why, do his level best in the ?Bring Back Elliott? social media campaign that Jamie and Timeshare off-sider Paul get going! For this Elliott is going to have to learn new tricks.
It?s a risky business!
But there?s even more trouble on the horizon!
Elliott has to play a game of cat and mouse subterfuge. How does he do this? Why Method Acting, of course! He?s watched so many old movies. Nice one Elliott.
But how will it all end?
Elliott has all the answers waiting for you in ?Wagging The Dog?.
Amazon.com 5-Star Customer Review
5.0 out of 5 stars Love, Love, Love!,,
Loved reading Reality Barks (Book 1) and this book is equally entertaining, memorable and well written. This book is a must read for any dog lover or anyone down on their luck. With a little persistence, passion and belief in yourself anything is possible – just ask Elliot!
ANOTHER 5-STAR REVIEW FROM AUTHOR ELAINE BERTOLOTTI
Elliott , the pirate star of a dog food ad on TV, is staged to continue on his outstanding career. Jamie, one of his co-owners, is all for providing new adventures for Elliott. Of course, he mainly does it for money, but somehow Elliott plays along, as long as they give him nice goodies to eat.
I love the image of Elliott sitting in the middle of the backseat of Jamie?s SUV, ?looking like a doggie Emperor.? His doggie friends, as well as Ginger the inquisitive cat, are back to help him resist living in the zany world of humans.
Cheers and 5 stars to the author who is an expert in writing such humorous canine dialogue!
Rescue dog Elliott has morphed from tatty mutt to being a TV Mega Star. In his new star persona, he now refers to himself as Elliott C. Cool. He has starred in a TV commercial as a pirate, and he’s caught everyone’s attention at the Footy Grand Final. He’s been fired from the Biffo Chunky Yums TV campaign and then won thousands of followers in his social media campaign to “Bring Back Elliott”. And now he’s back in his latest starring role as Best Dog in Three Dogs and a Wedding. There are lots more laughs and surprises – guaranteed! It’s the craziest wedding in town.
Check the preview here
OUT NOW ON AMAZON AND KOBO!